"The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving ways" -Russell Barkley ALL behavior is a form of communication
When my little boy was an infant, he cried... ALL. THE. TIME. He cried when he was hungry. He cried when he was tired. He cried when he was teething. He cried. He also smiled and laughed and cooed and said his first words and hugged and blew kisses and danced and the list goes on. Before children can talk, we pay close attention to their non-verbal language and other forms of communication. We are in tune with their needs without them ever saying a word. At some point, though, we stop listening to their cues and begin to rely solely on verbal expression. But there is still so much to be said without words. If you look at me and my shoulders are slumped and I have a frown on my face, I am communicating to you that I am sad or upset. If I'm smiling and upbeat, I'm communicating that I'm happy. Those are easy, right? What about the not so easy ones? As educators, we can so often become so overwhelmed with the many expectations placed on us, that we have a difficult time slowing down to listen to the behavior of our students. When a student refuses to complete an assignment or do something we ask, we say he is defiant. When a student hits another student, we say he is physically aggressive. When a student curses in class, we say he is disrespectful. When a student puts his head down in class, we say he is off task. We begin to label our kids based on their behaviors. What your students may be trying to communicate is... I don't understand how to do this; I've been watching my dad hit my mom and I don't know how to express myself appropriately; I'm battling depression and anxiety; I didn't sleep last night because we got kicked out of our house and had nowhere to stay. Are we listening? I have said this before, "He did it for no reason". There is always a reason whether we can see it or not. A young child who is learning social norms may try to make friends by doing things to make others laugh. He may enjoy the attention that comes from that, so he continues those behaviors even though they may not be socially appropriate. An older child who is being abused may be withdrawn and uncooperative but won't tell you she is being abused. Taking time to listen to what our kids are saying is only the first step. Once we can identify what they are communicating, we can then help them express themselves in more appropriate ways. While many children learn social skills, problem solving, and coping strategies naturally, some do not. Direct social skills instruction in problem solving and communication can help students overcome the challenges they face and reshape the way they communicate. Some ideas of topics to teach include: How to request help {offer options that do not require the student to ask in front of others} How to disclose abuse to a trusted adult How to make friends Coping strategies when feeling overwhelmed Anger management
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